If i had to say what was the worst car out of the 35 i've owned then i'd have to say this one. Bought when i was so hard up i had to sell the best car i ever had (Pug 405 Style non-turbo diesel) to pay arrears and a $**!!** parking ticket, and i needed a car with T&T for £250 withing 50 miles of where i lived. Well, let's just say that it wasn't a hard choice to look because out of Gumtree, ebay, and the Auto Trader websites, there were only two cars and the other had been sold, so i went to look at the Proton, it seemed to drive OK and the story fitted, the archetypal old gent's car that had only done 64k, i handed over my £250 and was on my way.
Then it rained on the way home, heavily. The overgeared power steering completely lost all feel through the cheap "Hoo Flung Dung" (Taiwan's 7th biggest provider of quality tyres and nylon wigs) remoulds, and before you could say "i leave my entire estate to...", i was genuinely convinced that i would die in this metallic blue coffin. It swayed, the back end seemed to lift and the nearest side gust would gently push me onwards into the opposite side of the road.
I swore and screamed and cursed like i'd never had before. I did make it home in one piece though, sweatier, but home. I swore that night that the thing was going by the time the V5 came back from Swansea.
The next morning, brighter, but still breezy, I thought i was being harsh and i wasn't giving this Malaysian cheapie enough time and respect, so i thought i'd carry on with it, business as usual.
Then i nearly flung the back end out on a roundabout two days later. So a trip to B&Q ensued to try a trick from the days of Hillman Imp racing: Ballast.
Firstly, two bags of sharp sand were tried. No bloody use, more skip and slide on the back end. then four bags. again, no use, and then i gave up using the boot for ballast and put it in the rear footwells (still in the bags you understand...), and...no bloody use again, so i gave up.
The fuel economy was dreadful, and the contents of the washer bottle was so rancid that it smelt like vat gunge clearout day at a Whiskas factory. The Blaupunkt stereo was nice though.
I'd had enough, now i had a clunker on my hands. It was so bad i had to deny it was my car on one occasion. The V5 arrived at 9.45 am one morning and by 10.30 am the thing was listed on ebay, Gumtree and Auto Trader for £275.
Typically there was no response for a fortnight, until one Sunday afternoon when i was due to go out, i got a mysterious call from a Welsh chap, if he paid cash could we hold onto it for the rest of the afternoon?.
Of course we could. I was a bit dubious but he actually did turn up five hours later and we did a deal. He wanted to use it for rallying. The best of British (or Welsh) to him, especially as he had to drive it 100+miles home. And it was starting to rain...
That's not to say that all Protons are bad though. I had a £185 Persona 1.5GLSi Auto which was, against all odds, a little gem. More on that later...
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